Aaron Dembski-Bowden

Don't worry. None of this blood is mine.

‘THE ARCHMAGE ZORBULON’ – Part 2

 

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You go NORTH along the road towards the DWELLINGS.

You see no sign of the scargoyles. That isn’t great. You aren’t attacked by monsters from ambush, though. That, at least, is pretty cool.

Soon enough, you stand on the threshold of what seems to be a small village. The houses are made from stone. The road is populated by horseless chariots of base metal. You recognise none of this culture’s doings; whatever race claims this realm as its homeland has developed technology along entirely different branches to those of the Kwaydorian Free Races.

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What manner of tribe dwells here?

As you ponder the intellect level of this village’s tribe, a dinosauric roar rushes at you from behind. You leap to the side, just in time to avoid being struck by the racing form of a horseless road-chariot.

The craft skids to a halt up ahead, and its driver leans out of the vehicle’s side, eyeing you with an angry glare. He shouts as he shakes his fist, and offers you the first words you’ve heard spoken thus far on your great adventure.
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“FUCK YOU, YOU BLUE MICKEY MOUSE BATHROBE SHITFACE DICKSPLASH.”

What do these words mean? They’re screamed in a language you can’t understand, despite possessing mastery of every Kwaydorian tongue on your homeworld. He seems annoyed, which is pretty fucking uppity seeing as he’s the one that nearly ran you over just now.

What do you do, mighty archmage?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

July 17, 2015 - Posted by | Uncategorized

15 Comments »

  1. Should there be another vote on here? Or is it my browser?

    Either way, I’ll either go to that decent Chinese Takeaway or the Off-Licence / Petrol Station / Cash Point.

    After giving this dude the double Vs, of course. #takethatFistandantilus

    #besttextadventureever

    Comment by gregfkirkpatrick | July 18, 2015 | Reply

  2. Inspired writing. Truly. Also, eyes into beetles…. and time for me to go to bed. Thanks ADB for those nightmares!

    Comment by LXG (@lxg_blog1) | July 18, 2015 | Reply

  3. This is why I didn’t want to go north. Now everyone has to die.

    Comment by Thomas Holdsworth | July 18, 2015 | Reply

  4. Now I will have to burn this town.

    Comment by Matt | July 18, 2015 | Reply

  5. This is your finest work.

    Comment by Marco, El Doctoro | July 18, 2015 | Reply

  6. Screw that bastid and everything he stands for, turn his balls into balls that are itchy 24/7 and turn his eyes into like, buttholes or something.

    Comment by Drew | July 19, 2015 | Reply

  7. We should do this, just replace replace the terminator bits with ~*magic*~

    Comment by Tyler Moore | July 19, 2015 | Reply

  8. Just remember everyone, WWMD(What would Magnus do?)

    Make a pact with Tzeentch that he doesn’t realize will result in him ripping a massive hole under this town that might result in a second Eye of Terror someday.

    Or alternatively, WASTE THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

    Comment by Loesh | July 20, 2015 | Reply

  9. From 8:22

    Comment by kyletta | July 21, 2015 | Reply

  10. One can’t help but wonder if the simultaneous occurrence of this magnificent adventure and the unscheduled outage of the B&C forums is a coincidence or not…

    Also, lay all of the waste to him. Salt the earth of his homelands, sexually gratify his life companions, ensure the cessation of all genetics unique to his bloodline and make the spectres of his ancestors weep ghost blood at the realisation that the sum of their failures was this ignoble end. Rudeness in traffic cannot, must not, be tolerated.

    Comment by Ryan | July 21, 2015 | Reply

  11. […] Part 2!! […]

    Pingback by THE ARCHMAGE ZORBULON – Past 4 « Aaron Dembski-Bowden | March 10, 2016 | Reply

  12. […] Part 2!! […]

    Pingback by THE ARCHMAGE ZORBULON – Part 4 « Aaron Dembski-Bowden | March 10, 2016 | Reply


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