Aaron Dembski-Bowden

Don't worry. None of this blood is mine.

Photosplatter: The Dublin Zoo Excursion

We drove down to Dublin for our third wedding anniversary, which included a trip to Dublin Zoo with the increasingly loud heir. There were animals and stuff. It was pretty killer.

Behold the photos downloaded from my Dropbox, and the rich, compelling narrative that they tell.

This is Nathan, my brother-in-law. Here we are enjoying some court-sanctioned family time. He likes me more than his expression in this photo will lead you to believe.

Jesus, look at this weird little fucker.

Jesus, look at this weird little fucker. He’s eating his own hand. That’s hardcore.

Here's something that was probably invented to leech off the popularity of the 80s cartoon ThunderCats. The ThunderCats were aliens from the planet Thundera, and they fought lizards and shit like that. Their friends were a tribe of small robot bears, and a ghost.

Here’s a type of cat that was probably invented to leech off the popularity of the 80s cartoon ‘ThunderCats’.
The ThunderCats were aliens from the planet Thundera, and they fought lizards and shit like that. Their friends were a tribe of small robot bears, and a ghost.

This picture is super-deep on a lot of levels (fatherhood, evolution, the relative combat potential of fistfighting monkeys) and I probably deserve an award for taking it. Actually, I think Katie took it, but I don't care. I'm not on trial here.

This picture is super-deep on a lot of levels (fatherhood, evolution, the relative combat potential of fistfighting monkeys) and I probably deserve an award for taking it.
Actually, I think Katie took it, but motherhood isn’t as deep as fatherhood. The song ‘Cats in the Cradle’ makes that abundantly clear.

This is a picture of Rihanna. I don't know why this is in here.

This is a picture of Rihanna. I don’t know why this is here.

I spent most of the day in my Battle Form, where a small, ginger version of me attaches itself to my back and points at things it wants for nine hours.

I spent most of the day in my Battle Form, where a small, ginger version of me attaches itself to my back  for nine hours and points at things it wants.

Here are some Pink Landbirds, which are very boring. None of them can talk. like people, parrots, or that monkey who was friends with James Franco.

Here are some Pink Landbirds, which are very boring. None of them can talk, like people, parrots, or that monkey who was friends with James Franco.

The pathetic abomination that arises from a badger and a squirrel being very much in love. Just one of Dublin Zoo's attempts to play God, and we should probably do a Kickstarter to stop them.

The pathetic abomination that arises from a badger and a squirrel being very much in love. Just one of Dublin Zoo’s attempts to play God, and we should probably do a Kickstarter to stop them.

Here's John, who plays the Imperial Fist Tactical Marine in my Deathwatch group. Also pictured are one of his nieces, my son and heir, and a fake zebra. Dublin Zoo is some cheap-ass shit, let me tell you. Maybe real zebras cost too much? I don't know. The international shipping costs of African animals isn't my area of expertise, to be honest. I'm sorry if I've led you to believe otherwise.

Here’s Jon, who plays the Imperial Fist Tactical Marine in my Deathwatch group. Also pictured are one of his nieces, my son and heir, and a fake zebra. Dublin Zoo is some cheap-ass shit, let me tell you. Maybe real zebras cost too much? I don’t know. The international shipping costs of African animals isn’t my area of expertise, to be honest. I’m sorry if I’ve led you to believe otherwise.

Startled by the presence of the camera, Shakes and I roared at the handheld machine as it sought to steal parts of our souls. He'd lost his sunglasses by this point, and was going slowly blind in the acidic light of the rare Irish sun. I still had mine, though. I was fine. Thanks for asking.

Startled by the presence of the camera, Shakes and I roared at the handheld machine as it sought to steal parts of our souls. He’d lost his sunglasses by this point, and was going slowly blind in the acidic light of the rare Irish sun. I still had mine, though. I was fine. Thanks for asking.

Rihanna again. She seems to be at the Grammys.

Rihanna again. She seems to be at the Grammys.

"IT'S A TIGER," Shakes informed Jon's nieces. One of them tried to correct him, pointing out that it was in fact a leopard. "NO," he informed her. "IT'S A TIGER."

“IT’S A TIGER,” Shakes informed Jon’s nieces. One of them tried to correct him, pointing out that it was in fact a snow leopard. “NO,” he informed her. “IT’S A TIGER.”

We have about 800 photos of the kids posing on/crawling over/trying to steal this Wishing Chair, but I have two favourites. The first is this one, where Shakes had gotten bored by this point, and was standing t the side, doing his weird camera roar again. His substitute for smiling.

We have about 800 photos of the kids posing on/crawling over/trying to steal this Wishing Chair, but I have two favourites. The first is this one, where Shakes had gotten bored by this point, and was standing to the side, doing the Camera Roar again. His substitute for smiling.

...and the second is this one, where my diminutive heir sits commandingly astride a rainbow-burnished, animal-commanding Irish version of the Iron Throne. I wanted to make a reference to the rainbow looking like the Gay Pride flag, but I'm not 13.

…and the second is this one, where my diminutive heir sits astride the rainbow-burnished, animal-commanding Irish version of the Iron Throne. I wanted to make a reference to the rainbow looking like the Gay Pride flag, but I’m not 13.

I killed this wolf with the power of my brain.

To apologise for how shitty their fake zebra had been, the Zoomasters wheeled out a real one for us. But it was too late. "Fuck you," I told it, and walked on.

To apologise for how shitty their fake zebra had been, the Zoomasters wheeled out a real one for us. But it was too late. “Fuck you,” I told it, and walked on.

“Shakes, everything the light touches… used to be our kingdom. But then the Irish rose up and overthrew benevolent English rule, all in order to have the metric system on their road signs. You are a child of two worlds, destined to be torn between North and South. Here are some giraffes, by the way. And some antelope or whatever.”

"A Daddy Giraffe and a Baby Giraffe." -- Alexander Dembski-Bowden, July 2014.

“A Daddy Giraffe and a Baby Giraffe.” — Alexander Dembski-Bowden, July 2014.

"I want juice, Daddy. I want up. Peeease." -- Alexander Dembski-Bowden, July 2014.

“I want juice, Daddy. I want up. Peeease.” — Alexander Dembski-Bowden, July 2014.

Jon and the lovely Treasa, which I had to check Facebook to spell properly. She's a keeper, Jon. Don't fuck that up.

Jon and the lovely Treasa, which I had to check Facebook to spell properly. She was (and I can only assume, still is) lovely.

As you can see, a succession of us played mule to Shakes's demands.

A succession of us played mule to Shakes’s demands.

At first I thought this was a photo of the swans at the zoo, but with a second glance, it’s really Rihanna.

As you're about to see...

As you’re about to see…

...by far the most captivating aspect of the zoo for Shakes was actually...

…by far the most captivating aspect of the zoo for Shakes was…

...Jon's oldest niece.

…Jon’s oldest niece.

And he insisted on holding her hand for long stretches at a time.

And he insisted on holding her hand practically all day.

Then we saw some monkeys.

Then we saw some monkeys. I won’t lie, they didn’t seem to give a shit about us. I felt very needy, standing there, wanting to see them and knowing they didn’t want to see me.

And then some of us went to bed sideways, for some reason. At one point, Shakes slipped out of bed, and promptly stayed asleep on the floor. It was almost haunting in its mastery of the slumbering art.

And then some of us went to bed sideways, for some reason. At one point, Shakes slipped out of  the hotel bed, and promptly stayed asleep on the floor. It was almost haunting in its mastery of the slumbering art.

He's a picture of New York Knicks' forward Carmelo Anthony staring creepily at Rihanna.

He’s a picture of New York Knicks’ forward Carmelo Anthony staring creepily at Rihanna.

36

This book made some outlandish claims.

The next day, I found this book. It made some outlandish claims.

We went to the beach, and at a nearby cafe, I had the best chicken sandwich of my life.

We went to the beach, and at a nearby cafe I had the best sandwich of my life.

Shakes gathered "Treasures!" with Mummy for his sandpit in our back garden. Sadly Not Pictured: The best sandwich I've ever had in my life.

Shakes gathered “Treasures!” with Mummy for his sandpit in our back garden.

Pictured: Rihanna. (Sadly Not Pictured: The sandwich I was just telling you guys about.)

 

July 24, 2014 - Posted by | Uncategorized

16 Comments »

  1. Thanks for sharing, looks like you had tons of fun. There’s just one caption that I’d like to bring up:

    “I felt very needy, standing there, wanting to see them and knowing they didn’t want to see me.”

    Kinda like the people lining up to get their books signed?🙂

    Comment by Harlek | July 24, 2014 | Reply

  2. That seems to have been fine work, Aaron, good show.
    But honestly? Now I really want to know the details of this sandwich. Seriously.
    TELL ME

    Comment by Joe Waits | July 24, 2014 | Reply

    • I can’t do it justice. I want to. I burn to.

      But all I have are words.

      Comment by Aaron Dembski-Bowden | July 24, 2014 | Reply

      • I won’t lie dude, this hurts. Now I’ll have to quest for the perfect sandwich.

        Comment by Joe Waits | July 24, 2014

  3. I just couldn’t resist: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/55577565/wsbattle.jpg

    Comment by piotrgawinskiPeter | July 24, 2014 | Reply

  4. Nice to see Rhianna take time out of her schedule to spend some time with you family at Dublin Zoo!

    Comment by Tim Whitehead | July 24, 2014 | Reply

  5. Looks like fun times.But……shouldn’t you be writing more of master of mankind?

    Comment by Loken | July 24, 2014 | Reply

  6. The commentary is well worth the pic spam. You should do these more often.

    Comment by Khestra the Unbeheld | July 24, 2014 | Reply

  7. Looks like fun…but why are you not working on master of mankind instead!

    Comment by Sean | July 24, 2014 | Reply

  8. I read this while sleepy and it was even funnier because I thought the captions were at the top of the images instead of the bottom, e.g., Nathan your brother-in-law was the creature eating his own hand…

    Comment by Chinh | July 24, 2014 | Reply

  9. You just made me smile at the end of a very long day, thankyou.

    Comment by Justin | July 25, 2014 | Reply

  10. That looks more like the Captain’s Chair on the Enterprise….Captain Shakes?

    Comment by shavenwookiee | July 25, 2014 | Reply

  11. Harlek beat me to it with the comment about monkeys, neediness and book signings so as someone who’s not just stood in line for you but got there so early I WAS the line, I’ll just second it. (That’s not an excuse for you to fling your shit at us next time).

    Those rhinos are just the shade I’m aiming for with my Space Wolves. You didn’t happen ask the zookeeper for the recipe did you?

    Shakes’s t-shirt brought back memories of unexpectedly encountering a giant cookie monster effigy in Mexico. I think he’s some kind of god over there (Cookie Monster, not your son and heir).

    Comment by Inquisitor Kravin | July 26, 2014 | Reply

  12. Pic 6 & 10 made me think of: http://timesyours.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/masterblaster.jpg

    Comment by chymz | July 30, 2014 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: