Aaron Dembski-Bowden

Don't worry. None of this blood is mine.

The Wedding Gift List

Dear Wedding Guests,

You all keep asking about some mystical “gift list”, as if I didn’t already own a Mace Windu Force FX Lightsaber, and as if I ever want anything except books, jeans and Pre-Heresy Space Marines.

And yet, I’m told to provide you with the following link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/registry/wedding/14GYRMXDOTEDW.

Can I just make it 100% clear that:

  1. This only applies to wedding guests, obviously. Please don’t buy us something if you have no idea who we are, then call me a douche messiah (or whatever you crazy kids say these days) because I didn’t dedicate my next novel to you. I don’t even know you, man. That’s just how it is. It takes me almost a year to write a book, dude. Let me dedicate it to my cat, or something.
  2. I clearly had nothing to do with this list beyond half-heartedly adding a blender, a PS3, and two documentaries about space. You can tell it’s not my work, because there’s nothing from Forge World.
  3. Actually getting here is so freaking expensive for most of you that no one should feel the need to buy anything from this. I mean that in total seriousness – Katie just made it because people are apparently loaded and kept asking us for more ways to spend their money in a recession. But seriously, folks. It’s enough of a bitch getting here. We know that. We appreciate everyone making the trip, and this list is basically just for kicks.
  4. Please don’t send me copies of your short story drafts as “gifts” and ask me to edit them for you. If you do, I’ll totally hunt you down and kill you until you die. In a little-known fact, I’m actually responsible for 9% of all violent crimes within the British Isles during the years of 1990-2011. That’s how dangerous I am. That’s how I roll. Remember that. You may think I’m a hamster-cheeked nerd who says “Hmm, can I have a latte?” in delicate British tones, but that shit is just my cover story.

 


		                

June 1, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized

19 Comments »

  1. I sorted my gift out a few weeks back and hope that it’s been received. But there’s always time for plots and schemes between now and then.

    Comment by Xhalax | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  2. Hahaha your “demands” are hilarious. And I understand after reading Dan Abnetts thing about not wanting to read fan-fic from his fans. He’s afraid he might “take” or “get” the idea from that text and in return steal it, and he’d never want that.

    I would totally wish for a tons of 360 games and Forge World stuff. Good luck with the wedding.

    Comment by Forkmaster | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  3. Ok, I get it, I’ll totally buy you a gift and come to your wedding. You could have just come out and asked, no need for the hyperbole. But you have to reciprocate in a few months and come to my wedding, ok? Ok. Deal.

    Comment by Obvious | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  4. I am seeing a theme in the kitchen here.
    Why do women always have to have rooms colour co-ordinated? 😛

    Excellent choice on the Wonders DVDS!

    Comment by Doohicky | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  5. Short Story Draft sent…catch me if you can!
    😛

    Comment by J.Sibley | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  6. So you don’t want me to ship over this Sumatran rat monkey?

    Comment by Khestra the Unbeheld | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  7. I had no idea that getting married was so much effort. Are you sure it’s worth it ? 😉

    Comment by Reds8n | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  8. This is awesome. My fiancee and I have been struggling to come up with gifts for our own registry. Thanks for the ideas…

    Comment by Chinh | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  9. This is awesome. My fiancee and I have been struggling to come up with gifts for our own registry. Thanks for the ideas…

    P.S. You should just make the blanket statement that everything from Forgeworld is unofficially on the list 😉

    Comment by Chinh | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  10. I’ve said this to Katie, but there is a lot of bakery stuff on there and we all have a vested interest in her baking.

    Also, I’ve got a mate who’s a bit of survivalist and he reckons the advice in the Worst Case Scenario game isn’t that helpful. So, enjoy the game, just don’t put it into practice!

    Comment by G | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  11. So I’ve been gathering blood and skulls for nothing? Jeez.

    Comment by S | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  12. *High Fives* I adore the fact that number one on the list is the Morph and Chaz bookends.

    Comment by Tim Kenyon | June 1, 2011 | Reply

  13. “I clearly had nothing to do with this list” – clearly indeed. No requests for skulls for the skull throne.

    Comment by Erminio | June 2, 2011 | Reply

  14. Can I send you something if I don’t want your next book dedicated to me, as well as your firstborn?

    Comment by Chapter Master Ignis Domus | June 2, 2011 | Reply

  15. A cupcake stand !!! Please tell me there’s a plot line coming up with Curze’s finest having a bake off, I cannot get the image of a night lord eating a fondant fancy out of my mind now. He he

    Comment by cjp180 | June 2, 2011 | Reply

  16. Re: Point 4.
    Does that mean that you don’t really want a latté?

    Comment by Adam | June 3, 2011 | Reply

  17. Congratulations on the wedding! And I enjoyed seeing Pictureka on the list.

    Comment by sam | June 3, 2011 | Reply

  18. Oooh, second point, I actually have the Worst Case Scenario Survival Game…it’s fine, but having played it a few times it can drag out a bit…. However, if there could ever be a black library spin off of it..well, such a thing would be godlike..I’d buy it anyway.

    Comment by S | June 3, 2011 | Reply

  19. Wait a second. . .there’s a kettle on that registry. Do you mean to tell us that you don’t have a kettle at all, or that you’re just looking to score a new, different kettle that’s superior to the one you already have?

    Comment by Khestra the Unbeheld | June 4, 2011 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: