Brett Duckley Confronts the Plebs.
My client, Aaron Dembski-Bowden, is unable to answer your nonsense this week. In my dual role as his literary agent and aquatic enforcer, I – Brett Duckley, agent to the stars – am here to deal with your tedious bullshit.
So how can I be of service to you?
- …want to be a writer? Then post 150 words of prose, and I’ll edit it, showing you why you suck, and why you should never waste my time again.
- …want to know what my client is writing? I can enlighten you. I know all that jazz.
- …have a question based on either publishing, or the laws of life in an English parkland? I can comprehensively deal with such queries.
- …like ducks? Do you have any duck-based questions? If so, it’s good news for you. I am a duck. A real one! I fly south for the winter, I swim on ponds, and I do all that other great stuff that ducks do, like dying if they eat too much bread thrown by shitheaded English kids. Now’s your chance to communicate with one of the animal kingdom’s most truly urbane and cultured creatures: a male of the anatidae (that’s Latin, you know) family.
- …need official representation, either in matters of literary merit or aquatic legality? My fees are a mere 10% of your profits, and the guarantee you’ll give me any stale bread you have, rather than put it in the bin.
So post, post now, and I’ll reply to your plebian concerns in the next blog entry.
For matters of extreme seriousness, I will consult with my partner (the co-founder of Duckley & Pondsworth Literary Agency), the esteemed Dr. Kyle Pondsworth.