Aaron Dembski-Bowden

Don't worry. None of this blood is mine.

Seriously, though. Look at this fucking jelly bean.

Sometimes, just sometimes, the Candy Goblins will get caught in their own rattle-clanking machinery, and their saccharine corpses become yet another ingredient in the deliciousness they produce. And other times, I have no idea what happens, because just look at this fucker.

This is a jelly bean. I’m not even kidding. I can’t bring myself to throw it away.

Looks okay on one side, right? I mean, it's about 17 times larger than it should be, but whatever. That should be a feature, not a bug.

Looks okay on one side, right? I mean, it’s about 17 times larger than it should be, but whatever. That should be a feature, not a bug.

And then, flip the little fucker over, and you've got this abomination unto the Lord.

And then, flip the little fucker over, and you’ve got this abomination unto the Lord.

Initial scientific analysis suggests that it would be unwise to eat this thing.

The main evidence is that it’s as hard as a golf ball and the colour of ass cancer, but I’m still waiting to hear back from the lab.

October 30, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized

10 Comments »

  1. Not sure if Tzeench or Nurgle. Maybe a bit of both?

    Comment by lordwynn | October 30, 2013 | Reply

  2. Definately some corpse involved with it. Whether the unfortunate worker who fell in the machine or the guy who eats it I don’t know….bleuch!

    Comment by Anurien | October 30, 2013 | Reply

  3. It looks like a petrified, necrotic tongue. That or a Nurgling is gestating in its cocoon.

    Comment by DonkeyOpera | October 30, 2013 | Reply

  4. Behold! The Necronomicon decreed its arrival. THE JELLY BEAN OF THE PRIMORDIAL ANNIHILATOR. I henceforth decree it the Bean of Terror.

    Comment by Tim Kenyon | October 30, 2013 | Reply

  5. Everybody Poops, the Daemonette Edition.

    Comment by Peter Hairston | October 30, 2013 | Reply

  6. Damn man! You know, you just scared the hell out of me with that. I live in the States and here we’re used to mass produced food fuckups like yours there, but we Americans all have this romantic notion that in Europe in general food is somehow magically more awesome then food in America. And I’m seriously considering grad school in Britain…now I’m worried about dying of a Nurgle worshiping jelly bean

    Comment by captaindweese | October 30, 2013 | Reply

  7. Posts like this remind me of why you’re a published author, and a best-selling one at that, because you have a way with words.

    Comment by Nurglitch | October 31, 2013 | Reply

  8. It looks like a suppository o.0

    Comment by novafix | October 31, 2013 | Reply

  9. Dude, is that the correct spelling of ‘ass’ you were looking for? as in, ass the donkey, or arse the human anal area.
    Although to be honest, I think ass cancer would probably be as grim and hilarious as arse cancer. ;)

    Comment by Vijay | November 6, 2013 | Reply

  10. Ack! Chaos bean!!! Throw it away, throw it away!!!

    Comment by Cranes and Trains | November 13, 2013 | Reply


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